Don't get me wrong, I love my boyfriend. However being the skeptic that I am, I always find myself thinking of the worst. In a way it can indeed be beneficial because I can mentally prepare myself if ever the case that something would happen. On the other hand, I'm always thinking of horrible situations and can never be in a truly content state. It's as if I can never let myself be happy for a long period of time. I always find a way to sabotage myself and I'm absolutely fed up. I always end up hurting someone in the end, be it myself or my amazing boyfriend.
- My teacher is a mental case -
I can't take it anymore. Why can't I just shut the fuck up, quit complaining and be happy??? No. I must constantly find something wrong and dwell on it. First its not having anyone, then I find someone amazing and I turn out to be a commitment-a-phobe. The he tells me he loves me and everything is great and I still can't fucking let myself be completely happy. My weight is a constant stupid issue and it's led me to do some incredibly stupid things in the past. GET OVER IT is what they all tell me, but it's so much easier to say than actually do..They just don't get it. At all. My boyfriend asks me if I'm happy with him and the truth is he makes me sooo happy. But am I completely happy with my life? No.
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